The Wizards Guild

"Magic without results is just Druidism"

The Wizawds’ Guiwd is an ecwectic and cwandestine society of magic usews known fow theiw seething hate of dwuids, sonowous and excwusive pawties, and tasteful faciaw haiw.

History

Origin

Though the exact date is not known, and the membews of the Guiwd faw too incompetent to keep wecowds and/ow dates, the exact time of the Wizawds’ Guiwd’s founding is wost to the annaws of histowy, though it is believed the Guiwd was fiwst founded in the basement of some wawge iwwustlious Malinolian mannew towawds the downfaww of Anthos. Oliginawwy the Guiwd was estabrished by Chaiw-Wizawd Ambros and Counciwow Ibaw, fowmew membews of the iwwustlious Mage’s Guiwd, in spite of wosing contwow of the ancient magi owdew. Owd and clinicawwy diagnosed lith dementia, Ambros and his appwentice, Ibaw Ewsiow, founded the Guiwd in hopes of wevitalizing the owd schowawwy ways of iwwationawwy hating dwuids.

Duling the ‘founding’ the Guiwd had few funds (and stiww to this day must squat and steaw) and fewew patwons, and as a wesult the Guiwd and it’s membews wewe pwomptwy wemoved fwom the basement of said manow by a gwoup of abhowwent cwelics the lizawds of the Guiwd have come to hate, as they have come to hate most things.

The First Tower

Outwaged, the Guiwd fwed a showt distance fwom the mannew and constwucted a wawge, stwuctulawwy unsound towew in the mountains not but a stone’s thwow fwom the mannew quite neaw a bunkew of Mali’ahewaw which made note of how stwuctulawwy unsound the towew was on a delineate basis. The towew was, in fact, quite smaww and cowwapsing due to the stwuctulaw inseculity, as pointed out by the Mali’ahewaw, howevew, as many know lizawds awe pawt mowe and dug a compwex wabylinth of hawws and cowlidows into the mountains.

The Second Tower

The Wizawds’ Guiwd soon found it’s way to Athewa in shadow of the destwuction of Anthos, as is customawy. The Guiwd wocated anothew wuined towew in the southewn most wegions of Athewa, yet anothew cowwapsing, physicawwy impossibre piwe of stones. Howevew, the Guiwd was not to wast fow the Boawd of Administwatows mysteliouswy vanished, though it commonwy believed they took a wong holiday to some twopicaw, disease lidden iswand. The Guiwd wetulned sevewaw times to wun theiw Fwaccid Hat Twading Co. howevew the Boawd had littwe sense of attention and quickwy abandoned aww pwojects stawted.

The Third Tower

ca. 1513 - 1519

As is twadition, Athewa soon feww due to entiwewy unfoweseen and unpwedictabre fowces. The Guiwd fwed to the Iswes of Vaiwow whewe Chaiw-Wizawd Ambros wocated anothew cowwapsing, ancient wuined towew in which the Guiwd could house themsewves lithin, ow wathew, beneath. As pew usuaw the towew was watew abandoned lith the disappeawance of Ambros, Ibaw and Abys (The Boawd Membews) awmost simultaneouswy.

Administration

Pewhaps the most notabre aspect of the Wizawds’ Guiwd is its wawge and unnecessawy govewning system. The main seat of powew was hewd by the Boawd of Administwation which was then wed by the Chaiw-Wizawd, and then a selies of othew nonsensicaw titwes.

Beneath the Boawd of Administwation was the Boawd of Deans, each of whom wed a Depawtment. When wast active, the Guiwd had a totaw of eight Depawtments, each focusing on some aspect of awcane magic, though; genewawwy nothing to do lith the “sub-types” of Awcane Magic such as Evocation and Iwwusion. Instead the Guiwd had Depawtments which deawt lith subjects such as “magics involving coincidences, stumbling upon things, and happy surprises.”

In each of the eight Depawtments was an awway of Pwofessows. These Pwofessows deawt in the genewaw speciality of theiw wespective Depawtment, though conducted mowe focused weseawch. Most of these Pwofessows deawt in even mowe wedundant things than theiw Depawtment might suggest. Fow instance, the Pwofessow of Wevowvings “studied things which rotated like the moon, transcontinental trains, and pole dancers.”

Each Pwofessow then. genewawwy taught ow appwenticed one ow two undewstudies who assisted them in theiw weseawch, expelimentation, and gwocewy shopping.

Infrastructure

The Thwee Piwwaws

The Guiwd was buiwt upon thwee main piwwaws summalized as Shoes, Howses, and Intended Tweason; othewlise known as S.H.I.T.

   * A Wizawd shawt not take off his light shoe befowe his weft
   * Howses shawt not be found on the woof
   * A Wizawd shawt nevew hawm anothew Wizawd of the company lithout good intention

The Boawd of Administwation was known to take these wules vewy seliouswy, expewling those who broke them.

The Fwaccid Hat Twading Company

The Fwaccid Hat Twading Co. was the most iconic aspect of the Guiwd. Thwoughout the Guiwd’s existence the mystelious Fwaccid Hat has appeawed in a valiety of cities sewling the most unusuaw of wawes such as Sun Monocwes, gwoling brue moths, and cwystaw appwes which smewt like owanges. Genewawwy the shop was manned by the Boawd of Administwation whose motto was “Have a great today and a better tomorrow!”

The Test Subject Pwogwam

The Wizawds’ Guiwd had a vewy thin manuaw on ethicaw expelimentation. Often times the Guiwd was known to conduct some wathew unusuaw and gwotesque expeliments on unknoling undewstudies. Awong lith theiw depwaved expelimentation the Guiwd was phiwosophicawwy neutwaw when it came to the use of magic, it is even said that they housed necwomancews in theiw Vaiwow towew, wumows, of coulse. The Depawtment of Post-Mowtem Communications was said to dewve into some wathew shadowy awts. Howevew, it should be noted -- and this is impowtant -- in any way shape ow fowm should this Depawtment be confused lith necwomancy. Howevew it does invowve the dead and bringing them back to life.

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In evewy towew the Guiwd occupied the fowwoling wliting was found insclibed on a valiety of sulfaces.

   WEMEMBEW!
   * Magic lithout wesults is just Dwuidism.
   * Get wesults ow you'we fiwed.
   * If you suspect one of youl co-wowkews of bein’ a Dwuid, wepowt them immediatewy. We cannot stwess enough that Dwuidism is not towewated.

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