The Wizards Guild
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The Wizards’ Guild is an eclectic and clandestine society of magic users known for their seething hate of druids, sonorous and exclusive parties, and tasteful facial hair.
History
Origin
Though the exact date is not known, and the members of the Guild far too incompetent to keep records and/or dates, the exact time of the Wizards’ Guild’s founding is lost to the annals of history, though it is believed the Guild was first founded in the basement of some large illustrious Malinorian manner towards the downfall of Anthos. Originally the Guild was established by Chair-Wizard Ambros and Councilor Ibar, former members of the illustrious Mage’s Guild, in spite of losing control of the ancient magi order. Old and clinically diagnosed with dementia, Ambros and his apprentice, Ibar Elsiol, founded the Guild in hopes of revitalizing the old scholarly ways of irrationally hating druids.
During the ‘founding’ the Guild had few funds (and still to this day must squat and steal) and fewer patrons, and as a result the Guild and it’s members were promptly removed from the basement of said manor by a group of abhorrent clerics the wizards of the Guild have come to hate, as they have come to hate most things.
The First Tower
Outraged, the Guild fled a short distance from the manner and constructed a large, structurally unsound tower in the mountains not but a stone’s throw from the manner quite near a bunker of Mali’aheral which made note of how structurally unsound the tower was on a delineate basis. The tower was, in fact, quite small and collapsing due to the structural insecurity, as pointed out by the Mali’aheral, however, as many know wizards are part mole and dug a complex labyrinth of halls and corridors into the mountains.
The Second Tower
The Wizards’ Guild soon found it’s way to Athera in shadow of the destruction of Anthos, as is customary. The Guild located another ruined tower in the southern most regions of Athera, yet another collapsing, physically impossible pile of stones. However, the Guild was not to last for the Board of Administrators mysteriously vanished, though it commonly believed they took a long holiday to some tropical, disease ridden island. The Guild returned several times to run their Flaccid Hat Trading Co. however the Board had little sense of attention and quickly abandoned all projects started.
The Third Tower
ca. 1513 - 1519
As is tradition, Athera soon fell due to entirely unforeseen and unpredictable forces. The Guild fled to the Isles of Vailor where Chair-Wizard Ambros located another collapsing, ancient ruined tower in which the Guild could house themselves within, or rather, beneath. As per usual the tower was later abandoned with the disappearance of Ambros, Ibar and Abys (The Board Members) almost simultaneously.
Administration
Perhaps the most notable aspect of the Wizards’ Guild is its large and unnecessary governing system. The main seat of power was held by the Board of Administration which was then led by the Chair-Wizard, and then a series of other nonsensical titles.
Beneath the Board of Administration was the Board of Deans, each of whom led a Department. When last active, the Guild had a total of eight Departments, each focusing on some aspect of arcane magic, though; generally nothing to do with the “sub-types” of Arcane Magic such as Evocation and Illusion. Instead the Guild had Departments which dealt with subjects such as “magics involving coincidences, stumbling upon things, and happy surprises.”
In each of the eight Departments was an array of Professors. These Professors dealt in the general speciality of their respective Department, though conducted more focused research. Most of these Professors dealt in even more redundant things than their Department might suggest. For instance, the Professor of Revolvings “studied things which rotated like the moon, transcontinental trains, and pole dancers.”
Each Professor then. generally taught or apprenticed one or two understudies who assisted them in their research, experimentation, and grocery shopping.
Infrastructure
- The Three Pillars
The Guild was built upon three main pillars summarized as Shoes, Horses, and Intended Treason; otherwise known as S.H.I.T.
* A Wizard shalt not take off his right shoe before his left * Horses shalt not be found on the roof * A Wizard shalt never harm another Wizard of the company without good intention
The Board of Administration was known to take these rules very seriously, expelling those who broke them.
- The Flaccid Hat Trading Company
The Flaccid Hat Trading Co. was the most iconic aspect of the Guild. Throughout the Guild’s existence the mysterious Flaccid Hat has appeared in a variety of cities selling the most unusual of wares such as Sun Monocles, glowing blue moths, and crystal apples which smelt like oranges. Generally the shop was manned by the Board of Administration whose motto was “Have a great today and a better tomorrow!”
- The Test Subject Program
The Wizards’ Guild had a very thin manual on ethical experimentation. Often times the Guild was known to conduct some rather unusual and grotesque experiments on unknowing understudies. Along with their depraved experimentation the Guild was philosophically neutral when it came to the use of magic, it is even said that they housed necromancers in their Vailor tower, rumors, of course. The Department of Post-Mortem Communications was said to delve into some rather shadowy arts. However, it should be noted—and this is important—in any way shape or form should this Department be confused with necromancy. However it does involve the dead and bringing them back to life.
In every tower the Guild occupied the following writing was found inscribed on a variety of surfaces.
REMEMBER! * Magic without results is just Druidism. * Get results or you're fired. * If you suspect one of your co-workers of bein’ a Druid, report them immediately. We cannot stress enough that Druidism is not tolerated.
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