Confectionus Sapien

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Confectionous Sapiens, also known as "The Cakeman", is the result of a horrific accident involving a doppelganger, a type of Homonculus that imitates the appearance of others, and a cake. The alchemist, who was, attempting to create a fake version of William Horen III to install on the throne, did not clean his hands after attending the Lenfarthing Cake Festival and thus got crumbs in the alchemical potion. When he gave it to his test subject, the result was horrifying, unimaginably gory and strangely edible.

Blame for the creation of the Cakeman is usually thrust upon the Arcane Delvers, who are reknowned for doing their utmost to bring about the destruction of Anthos via the means of failing experiments and breaking into things best left untouched, usually via the means of provoking forest spiders, unleashing giant crabs and growing a deadly wizard eating fungus known as the "Mageshroom." The Delvers, unusually, had absolutely nothing to do with the unleashing of the Cakeman although many have attempted to claim the 'credit.'


Most point the icing-encrusted finger of blame at Nienna Calm simply due to her tendency to be covered in other people's blood, although this logic is flawed in that it would also implicate Urasept Mordir. Those who have noticed this and have attempted to blame Urasept Mordir for the cakeman have in all cases but one found themselves in the Drakewater River wearing their intestines as a blindfold. The exception to this rule disappeared entirely, although Lucion Sullas of Line'veral had an inkling as to the person's fate after finding an eyeball in his soup.

The Cakeman is a homonculus made of cake. Most would argue cake would not animate, even when someone is magically transmogrificatifigured (a common technical term amongst the Order of Clinicly and Grammatically Insane Magi) but it is a known fact that formerly alive material can be animated quite easily with Evil magic. Alchemy counts as evil magic, as anyone who has seen Alchemist's Napalm (the once common but now thankfully rare variant of a popular flame based alchemical weapon) can testify. Cake is formerly alive material, and thus the Cakeman's mind is a gestalt of several embryonic chickens, a sugar cane plant, a cow and the poor man that was turned into the cake in the first place. Thus, the Cakeman is torn between vengeance on its creator, all milkmen, the man who stole the eggs from mama chicken (nobody asked the chicken, did they?) and the tools used to harvest sugar cane. This somehow manifests into a desire to destroy all ovens for the sake of protecting future cakemen, something that likely will never happen due to the cakeman being made entirely of cake and hate.


The cakeman was not properly cooked (alchemists are terrible chefs) and thus most of his (it is unknown why a genderless cake prefers to be addressed as "he") plans are somewhat half-baked. Thus, Confectionus Sapiens generally only manages to draw attention to himself rather than achieve his goals, and that attention is usually of a cake-knife wielding kind.

The Cakeman must be extra careful when wandering Anthos, as the monks consider it an affront to their dignity to reanimate a cake. Instead, they inter the severed heads of any cakemen that come to them in their crypt, putting magical wards upon them so that anyone who attempts to eat them is overwhelmed by the thought "You are not invited to this tea party!"

The Cakeman has since disappeared from Anthos. Nobody is sure where it went as nothing was left but a few crumbs. Most citizens of Anthos blame Gronkk.