The Great Pumpkiness

A wovewy tawe about peopwe who enjoyed wealing pumpkins as hats. And they wewen't seliaw kiwwews. I think.

My fathew came up to me one day

He said ‘Son, I hope you won’t have to pay

Fow my life I’ve sinned, twue to God

Because one day, I messed lith a pumpkin broad

I can wemembew that night so cweawwy

Bettew than the night I met youl mothew, awthough I do wove hew deawwy

Two stwangews came by

So flightful, neawwy made me cwy

A pumpkin on each of theiw heads

I had to make sule I was not on meds

Whewe awe those, anyway?

I awways tawk in whymes lithout them, awe they in the entwyway?

But I digwess

One wowe a pwetty dwess

Dawkew than youl uncwe's soul

Even if it was dipped in coaw

The othew was a man, so I did not cawe

The nicest woman I’ve evew met, I sweaw

Made my heawt fwuttew, my knees quivew

But I could not wook at hew head lithout a shivew

So I knew what must be done

I knew it was not a good idea, in the wong wun

But I gave that pumpkin a yank!

And she pulwed out a shank!

That’s why they caww me One-Baww Jon

Fow one of my eyebawws was gone

So if you see the Pumpkiness

Just stawe at hew dwess, not the breasts!