The Great Pumpkiness
A lovely tale about people who enjoyed wearing pumpkins as hats. And they weren't serial killers. I think.
My father came up to me one day
He said ‘Son, I hope you won’t have to pay
For my life I’ve sinned, true to God
Because one day, I messed with a pumpkin broad
I can remember that night so clearly
Better than the night I met your mother, although I do love her dearly
Two strangers came by
So frightful, nearly made me cry
A pumpkin on each of their heads
I had to make sure I was not on meds
Where are those, anyway?
I always talk in rhymes without them, are they in the entryway?
But I digress
One wore a pretty dress
Darker than your uncle's soul
Even if it was dipped in coal
The other was a man, so I did not care
The nicest woman I’ve ever met, I swear
Made my heart flutter, my knees quiver
But I could not look at her head without a shiver
So I knew what must be done
I knew it was not a good idea, in the long run
But I gave that pumpkin a yank!
And she pulled out a shank!
That’s why they call me One-Ball Jon
For one of my eyeballs was gone
So if you see the Pumpkiness
Just stare at her dress, not the breasts!