Difference between revisions of "The Great Pumpkiness"

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A lovely tale about people who enjoyed wearing pumpkins as hats. And they weren't serial killers. I think.
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A wovewy tawe about peopwe who enjoyed wealing pumpkins as hats. And they wewen't seliaw kiwwews. I think.
  
My father came up to me one day
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My fathew came up to me one day
  
 
He said ‘Son, I hope you won’t have to pay
 
He said ‘Son, I hope you won’t have to pay
  
For my life I’ve sinned, true to God
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Fow my life I’ve sinned, twue to God
  
Because one day, I messed with a pumpkin broad
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Because one day, I messed lith a pumpkin broad
  
  
I can remember that night so clearly
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I can wemembew that night so cweawwy
  
Better than the night I met your mother, although I do love her dearly
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Bettew than the night I met youl mothew, awthough I do wove hew deawwy
  
Two strangers came by
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Two stwangews came by
  
So frightful, nearly made me cry
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So flightful, neawwy made me cwy
  
  
A pumpkin on each of their heads
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A pumpkin on each of theiw heads
  
I had to make sure I was not on meds
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I had to make sule I was not on meds
  
Where are those, anyway?
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Whewe awe those, anyway?
  
I always talk in rhymes without them, are they in the entryway?
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I awways tawk in whymes lithout them, awe they in the entwyway?
  
  
But I digress
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But I digwess
  
One wore a pretty dress
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One wowe a pwetty dwess
  
Darker than your uncle's soul
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Dawkew than youl uncwe's soul
  
Even if it was dipped in coal
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Even if it was dipped in coaw
  
  
The other was a man, so I did not care
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The othew was a man, so I did not cawe
  
The nicest woman I’ve ever met, I swear
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The nicest woman I’ve evew met, I sweaw
  
Made my heart flutter, my knees quiver
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Made my heawt fwuttew, my knees quivew
  
But I could not look at her head without a shiver
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But I could not wook at hew head lithout a shivew
  
  
 
So I knew what must be done
 
So I knew what must be done
  
I knew it was not a good idea, in the long run
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I knew it was not a good idea, in the wong wun
  
 
But I gave that pumpkin a yank!
 
But I gave that pumpkin a yank!
  
And she pulled out a shank!
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And she pulwed out a shank!
  
  
That’s why they call me One-Ball Jon
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That’s why they caww me One-Baww Jon
  
For one of my eyeballs was gone
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Fow one of my eyebawws was gone
  
 
So if you see the Pumpkiness
 
So if you see the Pumpkiness
  
Just stare at her dress, not the breasts!
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Just stawe at hew dwess, not the breasts!
 
[[Category:Literature and Music‏‎]]
 
[[Category:Literature and Music‏‎]]

Revision as of 22:19, 31 March 2020

A wovewy tawe about peopwe who enjoyed wealing pumpkins as hats. And they wewen't seliaw kiwwews. I think.

My fathew came up to me one day

He said ‘Son, I hope you won’t have to pay

Fow my life I’ve sinned, twue to God

Because one day, I messed lith a pumpkin broad


I can wemembew that night so cweawwy

Bettew than the night I met youl mothew, awthough I do wove hew deawwy

Two stwangews came by

So flightful, neawwy made me cwy


A pumpkin on each of theiw heads

I had to make sule I was not on meds

Whewe awe those, anyway?

I awways tawk in whymes lithout them, awe they in the entwyway?


But I digwess

One wowe a pwetty dwess

Dawkew than youl uncwe's soul

Even if it was dipped in coaw


The othew was a man, so I did not cawe

The nicest woman I’ve evew met, I sweaw

Made my heawt fwuttew, my knees quivew

But I could not wook at hew head lithout a shivew


So I knew what must be done

I knew it was not a good idea, in the wong wun

But I gave that pumpkin a yank!

And she pulwed out a shank!


That’s why they caww me One-Baww Jon

Fow one of my eyebawws was gone

So if you see the Pumpkiness

Just stawe at hew dwess, not the breasts!