Derfeyism

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Derfeyist Remnant
derfey.png
Derfey Mimicry of the Pontiff's Coat-of-Arms
Deity: GOD
Scripture: Derfeyist Interpretation of the Holy Scrolls
Prophets: Derfey I "The Founder"
St. Boindlle "The Schemer"
Ex. God "The Deity"
High Pontiff: Derfey VII
Synod: WIP
Holy See: Providence, Holy Orenian Empire
Realms of Derfeyism: OrenianFlag.png Holy Orenian Empire
Language: Common, High Imperial

The Church of Derfey (High Imperial: Ecclesia Derfei) is the smallest religious authority in the Holy Orenian Empire, numbering in the tens and hundreds. A charlatan by the name of Cornelius Derfey founded the faith in the fall out of the failed Schistmatic attempt to install a new High Pontiff in the Church of the Canon. In response, Cornelius Derfey realized he could attempt to found a faith of his own - in his attempt, he frequently commits terrorist actions, and is wanted in the Holy Orenian Empire for the crimes of forgery, vandalism, arson, and extortion. One of his followers, Derfey VII, attempted to assassinate Philip III, Holy Orenian Emperor, being cut down by the Emperor in the attempt and having his body dragged out of court and incinerated. It is recorded that Cornelius Derfey, the founder of the Derfeyist Remnant, is in reality a veteran of the Sedan Rebellion by the name of Renal Tiber, who was committed to the Providence Asylum for a period of fifty-years after maiming his cat and attacking his wife with a bucksaw. The faith is Canonist in name only and is heavily revisionist, and given the nature of the author's mental illness many of the historical facts cited about this religion are to be taken lightly.

Auspice of Derfey

Derfey was born at the beginning of time, or time was born out of him; he hasn't puzzled that out, yet. Anyway, it happened with a bang. A really big bang. Like, the loudest bang you've ever heard, except for your neighbors when they leave the windows open at night. He floated in the Void for millions of years getting used to his body of physics and entanglement-senses. First, he asked: "Why do I exist?" Quickly getting bored of this question, he then moved on to more pressing matters, such as, "What is the meaning of life?", "Where is everyone else?" and "Why is it so hot in here?"

He decided to solve the latter two, and take a good shot at the former. Wielding the adze of probabilities, he chose the closest spot he could find for carbon-based life to survive, and by collision and cooling formed a wet rock. Then he looked upon this rock, smiled at his face moving upon the surface of the water, and said, "Let there be light." And there were Aenguls, designed in his own reflection. Seeing that light would not last without dark, he said, "Let there be dark." And there, upon the face of the world, spawned not the Daemons; who had been formed as lyrical counterpoint to the Aenguls, and were a rowdy bunch; but the first empire of Man. Oren.

Now Iblees, who was foremost among the Daemons, saw this empire and thought, "Usurpers. They wish my place as the ruler of darkness, and the outside limits of objects. But nobody is edgier than me." So Iblees raised his cloaked hands and said from his cloak of flame, "I will bless these Men, but they will think it a curse. They will not long suffer in filth, but there will be swift release."

Derfey was irked by Iblees' interference, and so he said, "I will curse these Men, to even the playing-field. They will have many offspring, to extend the suffering of their ilk, and they will always reach for the Seven Skies in vain hope of ascension."

The time had come to populate the world with plants. It was a largely boring affair that dragged on for days. Derfey blessed and sanctified the seventh day, which we now know as the Sun's Smile. It was the smile of well-earned rest.

Hence is the birth of the Aspects: that in Derfey's bored stupor, he entered the state of flow, and a portion of himself was instilled in the wilds. The Aspects took it upon themselves in the nature of life to create new life while he slept, and thus were born the creatures that stride the world.

Then a lot happened, and pretty much, tons of people got made by Aenguls, Daemons, the Aspects, "evolution" (Derfey's least favorite of these methods), and the Void.

Fast forward a few hundred years and you are met with the first true Age of the world. In those days, the globe was called Aegis. Dwarves excavated precious minerals from under roads, and Men constructed relatively unsophisticated architecture. It was good. But that all changed when Iblees attacked, and with them, the Undead.

You see, the Aenguls and Daemons had a bit of a familial dispute. They resolved to use Aegis as their chessboard.

It was then that in his wisdom; wishing not to favor any child; Derfey took the form of an elderly wizard named Blunderless, for he made no mistakes in the advising of the mortal races in the Undead wars. He led them to safety through a magical gate that in secret he wrought in the night. Through fire and flames they eventually emerged to what they believed was a new Realm, but was actually Derfey's desperate attempt to cobble together a few hills and rivers so the peoples would not depart the Universe on their own accord.

Canticle of Derfey

“I TREADETH FORTH ON A GLASS LITTER, TO ROAM THIS WORLD AND DESPOIL IT WITH DREAD. UPON THIS THRONE, I DO THE WORK OF THE DECEIVER. YEMEKAR’S BALANCE, THE BURNING BUSH, THESE ARE MY CURIOUS DEMESNE. BLOOD MAGIC & DEVILRY IS MY MIRACLE. MY SAINT IS IBLEES. FROM THE LECHEROUS CONFINES OF MY CURIA, I MAKE MY INSANIAM KNOWN!”